Gratitude in Grief: Teaching Kids to Thank God Even When It Hurts
🌾 Holiday Series: Hope Through the Holidays
Gratitude in Grief: Teaching Kids to Thank God Even When It Hurts
🌤️ Remembering the Early Holidays After Loss
I don’t remember much about those first holidays after my daddy died. I am 63 years old, after all. The memories are cloudy, more like feelings than pictures. The smell of turkey, the sound of my mother’s voice talking in the kitchen to my aunts, the presence of my cousins and grandparents in one of their homes. But I remember how strange gratitude felt. Everyone said we had so much to be thankful for, but my eight-year-old heart just felt hurt so many times.
Children often experience grief this way, not in full memories but in flashes of emotion. They may not have the words for sorrow or gratitude, but sometimes both can appear in the same breath. I think of a child’s prayer I would say:
“Dear God, thank You for my daddy who is in heaven. Please take care of us here without him.”
That kind of simple prayer captures the heart of gratitude in grief. It doesn’t deny the pain or pretend to be okay. It simply trusts that God is still listening, still good, still near.
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18
Even in the storm of loss, gratitude becomes a small light of hope. It doesn’t erase the darkness by any means, but it helps us see that God’s light has never gone out. Like the rainbow that follows rain, gratitude is a sign of His promise that love endures, even when our hearts break.
“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” — 1 Thessalonians 5:18
When we help children find small ways to thank God, for things like love shared by others, for memories we keep, for people who support us long after the loss, we’re teaching them that grief and gratitude can grow side by side. And from those tender beginnings, hope quietly takes root. How does one live without hope?
🙏 How to Help Children Practice Gratitude During Grief
Gratitude doesn’t erase sadness; it holds our hearts in place while we walk through it. When children lose someone they love, they need to feel the ache without judgment and to see the good still around them. Both can exist together. Below are a few ways to help them find thankfulness in the midst of grief.
🕯️ 1. Start with Honest Prayers
Encourage children to talk to God just as they would to a trusted friend. Their prayers don’t have to sound perfect or polished. They can be short, tearful, or even full of questions.
You might say:
“Let’s tell God what we’re feeling and thank Him for one thing we still see as good.”
It could be something simple like, “Thank You for Grandma’s hugs,” or “Thank You for the sunshine today.” These small beginnings remind children that God will hear both their pain and their praise.
“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” — 1 Peter 5:7
🏺 2. Create a Gratitude Jar or Memory Box
Place slips of paper or small stones in a jar, each one representing a thankful thought or cherished memory. Children can add to it daily or weekly. On hard days, take a few out and read them together.
Over time, the jar becomes a visual reminder that even when life feels dark, blessings still fill our days, big and small. A child may even want to paint the rock with a word giving a memory or thankful thought. An adult can help the child who is unable to write or spell the word(s).
This can be especially comforting during the holidays when the absence of a loved one feels heavier. Gratitude gently shifts the focus from what’s missing to what still remains: love, memories, and God’s presence.
🏕️ 3. Find Gratitude in Creation
Sometimes children feel closest to God outdoors in the rustle of leaves, the warmth of the sun, or the sounds of wildlife nearby. Encourage them to look for God’s beauty in the world around them.
Take a short “gratitude walk” and name one thing in nature that reminds you of God’s care. The simple act of noticing teaches the heart to see hope again. God made us a beautiful world.
“The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands.” — Psalm 19:1
💛 4. Honor Loved Ones Through Acts of Kindness
Have you ever given a small gift to someone and made their day better? Gratitude grows when it’s shared. Invite your child to do something kind in memory of the person they miss, such as baking cookies for a neighbor, writing a note to someone lonely, or donating toys in honor of their loved one.
When I lost my sister to ovarian cancer, I faced the first anniversary of her heaven-going and decided to take the day off work in order to do something in remembrance of her. I went to her doctor’s office, the chemotherapy center, and her old work office and left a rose with each person or group of people in her memory. It also gave me a chance to thank those who were with her in some of the most difficult times of her life once again.
Serving others turns sorrow into compassion and reminds children that love doesn’t end when someone passes away. It continues in how we live, give, and remember.
“Let all that you do be done in love.” — 1 Corinthians 16:14
🌈 5. Speak Gratitude Out Loud Together
Make it part of your family’s habits to end each day with one sentence of thanks. It could sound like:
“Today I’m thankful for laughter.”
“I’m thankful for God’s comfort.”
“I’m thankful that we’re together.”
Children often reflect the gratitude they hear. When they see their parents naming blessings in hard times, they learn that faith and thankfulness can coexist, even when hearts are trying to heal.
🕊️ A Gentle Reminder
Helping children find gratitude in grief doesn’t mean pretending the pain is gone. It means helping them see that even in the darkest seasons, God is still present, still good, and still working all things together for love.
“He gives beauty for ashes, joy for mourning, praise for despair.” — Isaiah 61:3
🌅 From Grief to Gratitude: Holding Hope Together
Gratitude and grief often sit side by side, holding hands in ways we don’t expect. One doesn’t cancel out the other; instead, they help us see both the sorrow and the sweetness of love that lingers.
When children learn that it’s okay to thank God even when their hearts hurt, they’re learning one of life’s deepest truths, that gratitude does not depend on circumstances but is rooted in God’s faithfulness.
This holiday season, you may not feel like singing every song or filling every chair. That’s okay. Let your family find small ways to remember, to whisper thanks, and to look for hope... like the first ray of light after a long storm. Those simple moments of grace will carry you forward, one thankful breath at a time.
“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning.” — Lamentations 3:22–23
As you walk through your own journey of remembering and giving thanks, I pray you feel the warmth of God’s presence: steady, kind, and near. 💛
🌿 If This Message Speaks to You
Download my free resource on my website, “Seven Affirmations of Hope," a gentle guide to finding peace and strength after loss.
Explore my upcoming book, And the Sun Came Up: A True Story of Grief and Hope, and the companion journal Sunlight for the Soul: A Hope Journal for Kids Walking Through Sadness (releasing soon).
Preorder my collaborative book, A Year of Hope, a devotional, releasing December 1, a daily reminder that God’s mercy meets us in every season.
Subscribe at marygracejohnsonauthor.com/blog for more encouragement through the Hope Through the Holidays series.
Listen to Casting Crowns' song that gives gratitude to God throughout life's storms:
